Ask a Sex Coach by Melissa Vranjes

We're talking....

Sex when trying to make a baby, vaginal orgasms, asking him for pleasure, orgasms without porn.

How do I make sex more enjoyable when we’re trying to conceive?

You’ve got a short amount of time (5-7 days) where it’s focused baby making sex (your fertile window), and then for the rest of your cycle, the baby-making focus isn’t necessary. You could say you’ve got approx 3 weeks of unfocused sex and 1 week of focused sex. 

Here's a few ways to make 'focus sex' more fun.

  • Have sex for fun (yes even when you're trying for a baby), good juju creates a baby, not stress or pressure
  • Change up who initiates sex and how you initiate sex during that week
  •  Bring more eros into the bedroom - do this through your senses. What you hear, see, touch, taste and smell
  • Have sex in a different room or area of the house - kitchen bench, lounge, spare bedroom, outdoors
  • Bring some kinkiness into your baby making experiences - blindfolds, spanking, cuffs, whips or other forms of toys that turn you both on

I can’t have vaginal orgasms, I can only have them if I’m touching my clit too. 

This is wonderful, the clit should be involved when you're having internal orgasms! It sounds to me like you're exploring blended pleasure which is one of my favourite techniques. 

I always teach clients to connect with different parts of their bodies when they are having penetrative sex or using toys internally. If you want to train your vagina to build up more sensitivity try focusing your awareness on the sensations in your vagina (rather than your clitoris). Feel the energy building up in this area, breathe into your vagina (inhale and exhale) and this will help create  amore permanent pleasure pathways between your brain and vagina.

How do I ask him to continue pleasuring me after he’s cum?

You directly tell him exactly what you want as a sexually empowered and embodied woman! Give him a moment to come back down to earth after his orgasm and then guide him to pleasure you - understand what you want and then say “I would love to receive oral sex” “I want to cum now, can you use your hands on my clitoris”. 

If this is a regular occurrence where you feel like he doesn’t offer to pleasure you then start with your pleasure first, make sure you get off before him. You deserve to be satisfied and fulfilled in the bedroom. Your needs deserve to be met as well!

How do I orgasm without porn, I find it hard to get there just with stimulation?

That’s ok, (ethical) porn can be great for helping with new ideas, learning what our fantasies/kinks are or opening up our arousal capacity. But when you feel like you need it to get there, here are a few things to try:

  • No porn - visualise your favourite scenes when you’re touching yourself, this is essentially a fantasy. Stimulate yourself as you’re thinking about this fantasy, move your body, make yummy sex sounds to help you land back in your body. 
  • With porn - try watching it to get you in the mood/aroused (stay connected whilst you’re doing this) and then turn it off when you know you’re reaching the point of orgasm. From here, connect with your body and keep stimulating your favourite spots whilst building the arousal up. Tease yourself, make yourself ache for your own touch. 

If you have any questions you want answered on the blog, DM me on instagram and I can pop them into the vault for my next ask a sex coach blog.
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