The Third Entity: Nurturing Your Relationship as an Independent Being


Years ago, our therapist shared a profound concept with us that forever transformed the way we viewed our relationship. Our union, he explained, was not just the amalgamation of two individuals, but rather an independent entity with its own life force. This idea has guided us on a journey of growth, love, and self-discovery, allowing our relationship to flourish in ways we never imagined. In this blog post, we delve into the concept of the "third entity" and explore how nurturing it can lead to expansive, sacred, and loving connections.

The Third Entity: A Living Organism

Imagine your relationship as a living and breathing organism, existing separately from you and your partner. This entity is a manifestation of the time, energy, attention, love, and shared experiences you both invest in it. It possesses its own distinct personality, lifespan, and set of needs, wants, and desires.

Moving Away from Fusion

Embracing the notion of the third entity allows you to move away from the idea of "we are one" and instead view your relationship as a co-creation between two unique individuals. It encourages the preservation of individuality, which is vital as it reflects the qualities that initially drew you to one another.

Unhealthy Relationships: The Danger of Fusion

The picture below illustrates that even two happy and functional individuals can be caught in an unhealthy or toxic relationship dynamic. The fusion of personalities, needs, wants, desires, and strengths leaves little room for personal growth or independent evolution. This loss of individuality can erode attraction, desire, accountability, and independence.

Collaborating on the Third Entity

To cultivate a thriving and fulfilling relationship, you and your partner must actively collaborate in the creation of your shared entity. Visualize your relationship as a delicate plant that requires both of you to survive and thrive. Consider what this plant needs: openness, honesty, safety, trust, vulnerability, and more.

Exploring the Questions

The slide below presents a series of thought-provoking questions to deepen your understanding of the third entity and your role in its growth. What does your relationship need to survive? How can you foster openness and trust? What can you do to ensure safety and vulnerability?

Embracing Growth and Evolution

By acknowledging the third entity, you create an environment that fosters personal growth, mutual respect, and shared aspirations. Each partner retains their individuality, allowing for the cultivation of attraction, desire, and a sense of self. As your relationship evolves, the third entity transforms alongside you, adapting and thriving in the face of challenges and triumphs.

The concept of the third entity offers a powerful perspective on relationships, emphasising the importance of nurturing an independent entity that thrives from the combined efforts of two individuals. By embracing this notion, you can preserve your individuality, foster growth, and create a loving and fulfilling partnership. As you embark on this journey of co-creation, remember to tend to your relationship as you would a precious plant, providing the essential elements it needs to flourish.

I'll leave you with this quote that I love...

"It’s possible for you to love someone, but not love the relationship you have with them."

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