How to Use Sex as a Spiritual Practice
Think back to a blissful day (or night) of lovemaking. Hopefully, you experienced physical pleasure and emotional connection. Those are generally the reasons why we desire sex. However, you might have also experienced a sense of timelessness, unification of body, mind, and spirit, and at the time of orgasm, a loss of self.
In fact, the French word for orgasm translates to “little death.” We can consider it the death of the ego because, in that moment, you are no longer focused on “I.” You weren’t worried about the bills that need to be paid, the dishes that need to be cleaned, or how you look naked. You got to experience pure consciousness. After, you may have basked in the afterglow of sex.
Did that description remind you of anything else? To me, it makes me think about how it might feel to be spiritually awakened. Though sometimes these feelings may be brief, we can think of our sexual encounters as mini-enlightenment experiences.
These glimpses of loving awareness give us an idea of how it feels to be fully embodied and connected to ourselves and the universe.
I love to think of sex with my man as a spiritual practice rather than a physical interaction. When I’m in my head thinking about the future or past or worrying about something it’s sex that brings me back into my body and back into perspective. It reminds me of the bliss that is around me, right here, right now.
However, when I consider my sexual journey, I hadn’t always thought this way. When I was much younger I had sex to please others, to try and feel sexy. I thought it was something that I had to do as a woman. These early encounters were less about me experiencing pleasure and connection, and more about me providing pleasure and hoping for connection. I’m glad those days are over.
As I became older and teeny bit wiser, I understood that sex was not something I needed to provide others. I could choose to have sex for my own benefit. However, even as I learned more about my body and what turned me on, the idea of having sex purely for physical pleasure was never my thing. I craved the intimacy and connection that came from having sex with someone I cared about.
Now, I realise that in addition to connecting meaningfully with another human, sex is also about reconnecting with myself and the divine (god, goddess, the universe, your higher self — fill in the blank). With intention, sex is not just a physical activity, it’s a spiritual practice, a sacred ritual. It allows us to experience the beauty and pleasure of life.
Conscious sex can be a path to establish intimacy with another, reintegrate mind, body, and spirit, and get closer to yourself, to the divine.
Deepak Chopra states that sexual energy and spiritual energy are the same. Sexual energy is the merging of pure consciousness or the divine with our physical form. Through our sexual experiences, we get to see our true nature.
We become vulnerable, intimate, and spontaneous. We are no longer focused on the self. We connect not just with another individual, but with universal consciousness. Sort of puts sex into a whole new perspective, right?
With that said, our sexual energy should be used wisely and lovingly. If we consistently engage with people who don’t have our best interest in mind, we’ll feel depleted and anxious. Just like if we always spend money on things we don’t need, we’ll be broke. However, when we use sex wisely, we create an energy that helps to strengthen our life force and connection with another.
When we have conscious sex, we come together with another person to not only experience pleasure but to practice connection, devotion, and presence.
Here are a few tools…
Contemplate the following: Are you ready to merge with another human? Are you comfortable with your partner to communicate your desires and needs, as well as hear their desires?
I’ve heard many speak about sex as a purely physical experience, with minimal emotional connection needed. I don’t buy that — sex is all about connection. It’s a practice that can allow you to reconnect yourself, the divine, and another human being in the most intimate of ways. If you are in it for purely physical gratification, self-love would be easier and a lot less physically or emotionally risky.
Ask yourself, "Are you committed to making this a pleasurable experience for your partner?" And is your partner dedicated to making this a pleasurable experience for you?
Since you’ve opted to engage with another human being, your focus should be on maximising their comfort, experience, and pleasure. Similarly, that should be your partner’s focus as well. If you’re not ready for that, or sense that you aren’t going to get the care that you need, it likely won’t be worth the effort. Imagine how great sex would be if everyone was committed to making sure their partner was well cared for?
Can you stay focused and present in the body, observing the sensations as they arise?
Consider sex a mediation — an awareness of pleasure meditation. Rather than focusing on achieving orgasm, can you focus on giving and receiving pleasure with presence? Experiment with touches. Communicate with your partner about what turns you on. Look into each other’s eyes. If your mind starts to wander to kids, work, or bills, gently bring the focus back to the body.
Whilst experiencing pleasure in a particular spot in the body, see if you can grow it throughout your body. Can you tap into your 5 senses and experience more pleasure through your senses. Using breath sound and movement and focus as part of the meditation.
What are your motives? Are they the same as your partner’s?
Motives between partners need to be aligned. If one person is engaging for the fun of it and the other is engaging because they’re hoping it will lead to something more, there will be some suffering. For many, sex leads to attachment that doesn’t disappear once the act is complete.
As conscious individuals, we don’t want to cause unnecessary harm. While we can’t control other’s feelings, we can be clear on our intentions and give the space for others to voice their feelings. Also, if you’re the one looking for something more, remember: sex is not an exchange for commitment. “Whenever you do something that is not aligned with the yearning or your soul — you create suffering.” Let’s not do that.
How would you like this encounter to end? Do you and your partner share the same expectations for how this will wrap up?
If you’re worried about how it will end or if you plan on stealthily sneaking out once your partner has fallen asleep, that is a clue that it is more casual than conscious set up.
In the End...
When we engage in conscious sex, we get the opportunity to reconnect with our body, mind, and spirit. We create a connection with another that builds trust and intimacy, and lastly, we get closer to the divine. This helps to raise our energy, elevate our mood, and give us a more positive outlook on life. I wish you plenty of earth-shattering, toe-curling sex in your life. I hope you consider treating sex as a spiritual practice with your partner to get closer to the divine and catch a glimpse of your truly awesome, vulnerable, ecstatic nature.
With Love, Melissa xx